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What is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen LIKE?
June 2009In perusing reviews of the new Michael Bay Transformers film, I noticed that many of them were filled with similies, trying to get across what the experience of the movie was like. Here's a compilation:
...like sticking your face inside an electric can opener and your finger in a wall socket.
John Beifuss, GO Memphis
...like a 140-minute video game that will insult your intelligence, hurt your eyes, and offend your sense of decency until you worry that your skull might explode while your brain trickles right out of your ears.
Tricia Olszewski, Washington City Paper
...the filmic equivalent of a 150-minute waterboarding session.
Matt Brunson, Creative Loafing
...tinnitus with pictures.
John Beifuss, GO Memphis
...as though the script was written in serial-novel form during an all-night mescaline bender.
Christopher Orr, The New Republic
...the sensation of having just attended a Rammstein concert with front row seats directly near the speaker system.
Fiore Mastracci, Outtakes With Fiore
If you ever wondered what a movie would look like geared toward the underdeveloped brain of a gestating zygote...
Bill Gibron,
PopMatters
...2 1/2 hours of tumescence disguised as a motion picture.
Ty Burr, Boston Globe
...akin to lying on the tarmac at Pearson International while a revving Airbus A 380 rolls over you.
Peter Howell, Toronto Star
...a horrible experience of unbearable length.
Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun Times
...an orgy of clanging metal, propagandistic wide shots, short declarative sentences passing for dialogue and uncontrolled camera pans.
Robert Levin, Critic's Notebook
...Did you like it when I playfully slugged you in the arm? Then you'll LOVE it when I PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!
Eric D. Snider, ericdsnider.com
....Compared to this sequel, the first “Transformers,” released two years ago, ranks right up there with Kant’s “Critique of Pure Reason.”
Joe Morgenstern, Wall Street Journal
...like you've spent 2 1/2 hours in the mad, wild hydraulic embrace of a car compactor.
Betsy Sharkey, Los Angeles Times
...even the destruction of internationally famous landmarks begins to feel like staring at wallpaper after a couple of hours.
Liam Lacey, Toronto Globe & Mail
...like it was made by a mind of a child for those with a mind of a child.
IMDb User
...like the crappy middle period Godzillas.
IMDb User
...like watching paint dry, while being punched in the face at the same time.
IMDb User
...like the Americanized Godzilla where its orientation became severely changed.
IMDb User
...like Britney Spears singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
IMDb User
...like nothing more than a soft jab into the abdomen.
IMDb User
...like it started with Michael Bay writing everything he thought was cool or funny on a sheet of paper and then trying to craft a script around it.
IMDb User
...like a montage of previous movies in its vein, Making the first "Transformers" look like the apogee of restraint.
IMDb User
...like a test of your IQ.
IMDb User
...like one long advert for the toy line.
IMDb User
...like the bastardising of three film franchises. Terminator meets Indiana Jones meets Transformers.
IMDb User
...like a rehash of scenes from the first film only not as good.
IMDb User
...like it was made up on the spot.
IMDb User
...like WTF???
IMDb User
