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Final Destination 2

Have you ever seen anything creepy or ominous?

2003

Review: September 21, 2007

Director: David R. Ellis

Starring: Ali Larter, A.J. Cook, Michael Landes, Tony Todd, Terrence Carson, Jonathan Cherry

A requirement.

THE SETUP:

Woman stops people from being in a car accident—then death hunts them down anyway.

DISCUSSION:

I took a friend of mine to see Final Destination 3 when it came out, and he really liked it and wanted to see the others, so when we had nothing to do I suggested that we get really drunk and watch FD2. I was also interested to see how it would hold up at home, as it seems that such a large part of the experience of these movies is in seeing them with a large, boisterous movie crowd that will get worked up and scream at all the good parts. I was also curious how it would be a second time [I had seen it in the theater], since I would know what was coming. So it was as much experiment as movie, and I feel that I am owed some sort of scientific stipend.

We open with our heroine, Kimberly, sleeping while her bed crawls with rather large spiders. Chick has a serious spider problem! She ought to do something about that. While slumbering amongst the arachnids, the television is offering exposition to those who missed the first film. It seems that the next day is the one-year anniversary of the accident from the first movie. The next day Kim is driving to Daytona [from Vancouver???] with her obnoxious friends. Now, what happens is there's a huge accident, but suddenly we see that it hasn't happened—it was a premonition. Having seen the movie before, I admired the way that it lay out all of the elements that would play a part in a very methodical fashion. The roads are wet. There's a pregnant woman. Kim's car is leaking radiator fluid. There's a big truck carrying logs. There's a stoner doing coke. There's a guy speeding on a motorcycle. There's a cop who has coffee precariously balanced next to his knee. The movie actually does a great job of generating suspense during this scene, primarily because we KNOW something bad is going to happen, but also just seeing all these elements, each of which could be the cause of the accident, and just how fast all these cars are going. When the accident happens, it's all just one death after another, and though there is very little real gore, there is a LOT of blood, giving the deaths a gruesome, catroony look. But—It was all a premonition! It hasn't happened yet!

SPOILERS > > >
I'm going to start the spoilers early here, because so much of this movie depends on surprise. Anyway, Kimberly is all wigged, and her total blonde bimbo friend is all like "Kimberly? What?! Like, GOD!" Kim pulls her truck across the exit, preventing anyone else from getting on the freeway. The cop is just giving her a hard time about it when the actual accident happens, and—I forgot this part—all Kimberly's friends get wasted! That's what I like about these movies—they really work to throw you off and surprise you.

So now it's time for Exposition Load II, at the police station, where the survivors have been assembled. The fashionable snide black stereotype explains that all of them were marked for death in the accident, and since they survived, they disrupted death's plan, and now death is coming for each of them. Most of them think it's a crock of shit, and get up to leave, except for the dreamy cop played by Michael Landes [virtually every time he appeared on screen either me or my friend would say "boy is he handsome"] who believes her and becomes her buddy.

After quite obvious product placements for Apple [who, once you start noticing, are quite shameless in their product placements] and Corona, we have the first of our deaths, which starts out in a kitchen. Like the car accident, they lay out any number of things that could go wrong, then start building up tension when some of them do start to go awry. The reason these movies are so fun in the theater is that the build-up to the deaths is so long, they really get the audience worked up, then release the tension suddenly and usually spectacularly. I won't ruin the fun of this sequence for you, but will simply mention that I never see the ladder of a fire escape without thinking of this movie, and never, ever walk under them anymore.

So some kid is sleeping—note the skeletal claws of death that can be seen in the tree's shadows on her roof, one step too far over the line of the cheesy—and that same night Kimberly gets on the internet and finds that there was one survivor of the original movie, and she's in a mental institution. She drives out there the next day—please note that mental institutions must always be shrouded in mist—and meets Ali Larter as Clear Rivers. Her parents were obviously hippies. Ali bugged the shit out of me the first time I saw this movie, but also remained the most memorable element, and this time I enjoyed the SHIT out of her every moment on screen. What I love about her is that she is just the world's snottiest bitch, delivering every line with this whole tone of "this is, like, so totally serious," even when she's mouthing THE most ludicrous claptrap. She also looks fabulous and regards everyone around her as a sub-primate. I wouldn't want to be around her in real life, but she is amazing fun onscreen. Anyway, she snots off to Kimberly, telling her to look for "the signs" that she's about to die. How do you recognize the signs? "Have you ever seen anything creepy or ominous?" Ali says, which made me laugh my head off. Have you ever seen anything creepy or ominous? Uh—YEAH. Pretty broad, isn't it? You mean every time Condoleeza Rice comes on my TV, it means I'm about to die? Or what about those McRib sandwiches? They're pretty creepy. Of course, when you see one of those, you ARE about to die. Ali declines to help, but changes her mind later. She also imparts to Kim that everyone from the first movie died in the order they would have died on the plane.

Now, the challenge for the writers of these movies is that really everyone is here to see the deaths, and they need to work hard for something compelling to happen in between those times. What they do to manage that is generate a ton of complications and ways in which death can be "defeated," which not only helps to give the movies a story [without which it would be nothing but a series of spectacular deaths], and also gives the characters something to do. In this one, since they know the order people are going to die in, Kim and the cop can run around trying to find the next person on the list—and what are they going to do? Tell them to be extra careful? It's a little funny, the lengths they go to in order to pad out the story with ridiculous complications, when you look at it this way. After a potent death involving a dentist office, Ali shows up [looking quite glamorous for someone who just checked out of a mental institution], and takes them to some cremator guy, who informs them that "only new life can defeat death," leading to this whole load of claptrap about how they have to make sure this woman Isabella has her baby, since the baby was supposed to be killed in the accident, and this will break the curse and call off death's plan. I LOVE how they just accept this ludicrous notion without any evidence and just accept it as fact. After this there's a scene at a gas station where it seems like some death is going to occur—there's a near car accident, a woman walking five dogs, a sparking telephone pole—but no it's nothing. Just another day in the neighborhood, where dangers lurk around every corner!

Anyway, they round up all the survivors at the cop's spacious and fabulous loft—so fabulous it becomes clear that he must be selling drugs on the side. It, somewhat incongruously, has a totally dingy and dangerous elevator in the hallway. Ali and Kim says that everyone should move in there—and I'm like "Are they all going to live together?!!? It's going to be like The Real World: Sudden Death"—but they don't. I'm afraid the urban black stereotype doesn't provide a very good representation of his race when he snidely declares "Sorry, I gotta call bullshit," then nearly gets beheaded by a surfboard [or something], but still doesn't believe, then has a freaky experience, comes back in and pulls a GUN on everyone!

So now they all pile in the van to try to find the pregnant Isabella and make sure she has her baby. The cop has had her arrested, but her water breaks and he takes her to the hospital. This leads to this whole deal in a cornfield, which I won't even go into, except to point out: notice how the top of that pipe that the gasoline is running down [for about 20 minutes] is all corroded away. Why? Because it's not very visually exciting to show a pipe and just KNOW gasoline is running through it, it only generates suspense if we can find some contrivance to SEE the gasoline running through it. Also note the way Ali starts bitchily mouthing off to these paramedics, telling them what they should do, including my favorite: "Watch out for power lines!" Ali deserves some special award for saying all this stuff with a straight face. There's also a line that caused a great guffaw in me as a newscaster says "A woman died today, killed by a technology [add "ironic" newscaster lilt to voice:] meant to protect us."

So they all run to the hospital, because Kim's had a vision of a certain doctor, Kelarjian or something [where did they come up with that name?] who is either going to kill or save or rhumba with Isabella, and they feel like they have to prevent this. I mention this only because when they get there, Kelarjian is being urgently called into surgery, which she's slowly, NON-urgently shuffling toward, when Kim gets there and calls her, and the doctor tosses back a totally blasé "Not now, I'm busy." Then Isabella has her baby, and THEN Kim has a vision telling her that, oh, the whole baby thing was wrong all along. Nice for you to have this vision NOW, sweetie! You want someone to smack her and say "Well which is it, bitch!?!" Then a lot more hugger-mugger goes on that I won't go into, but please note that this hospital seems to be located right in the middle of a farm, with a lake approximately fourteen feet opposite the door. Maybe it's the Lakeview Hospital.
< < < SPOILERS END

I liked it. It is very different from the first and third movies—it seems slower, more serious [while at the same time more humorous], and better thought out. When I left it at the theater, I felt like I didn't like it as much as the first, but over time [curiously, without seeing it again, until now] it started to emerge as the best one in my mind. Watching it again I admired how carefully all of the elements are introduced, and with what precision the energy level during the deaths is calibrated. This is a real amusement park ride for the audience, that builds up tension and releases it, build-up and release, then BAM! And like a ride, you're scared, then you laugh at how exhilarating it was. Which in some way accounts for how funny these movies are. I know a lot of horror purists hate these movies and regard them as really insulting horror trash, and yeah, it ain't Dawn of the Dead, but there's something so ironic and funny and morbid and satirical about them that I think they're another thing entirely.

That said, my friend liked the third one better than this one… which, you know, maybe he likes it better, but I'm going to speculate that it's because the first one had the advantage of newness, and much as these movies are amusing, they really are the exact same movie each time. Which may always make the first time the best, although at this point I could sit and watch installments as long as they want to go on making them.

SHOULD YOU WATCH IT?

Yes! It's a really morbidly funny thrill-a-thon! AND it's got fabulously bitchy Ali Larter!