Oh my God, I am SO behind on my movie reviews, in part because I work at a place that occasionally considers that WORK should be done at work, and the piles of notes on movies I’ve watched but haven’t written about yet are piling up. Complicating matters, one then wants to write about movies that are more FUN to write about than dreary old movies that may be better film but are going to be a bummer to write a review for, so one advances the fun ones to the front of the pile—thus increasing the time since I’d watched the other movies, and making my memories of them just that much more hazy. Do you feel for what I’m going through? I should be eligible for some form of international aid.
One such case is Satan’s Baby Doll, which garnered my interest for its title alone, but shot to the top when I found out there’s going to be a lot of sleazy sex in it. I was then delighted to find that the Spanish title is the evocative La Bimba di Satana, and both of them conspired to have me inventing alternate names for my pet rabbit, who kept me company as I watched the film, such as SATAN’S SNOOKUS and SATAN’S POOKY-BOO BABY.
Okay, back on point. The movie begins with this intense ritual, with a bunch of people standing around this blond woman lying motionless on an altar kind of thing. I was wondering how Spanish horror films might differ from Italian Gialli, and one of the first indications shows up here, as a LONG portion is devoted everyone present giving each other INTENSE LOOKS. Then this young blonde woman in a white dress with a giant yellow long-stemmed lily comes in and goes up to the person, who promptly dies, the girl screams, and we dissolve straight into this, which you must admit is a rather fabulous title card [above].
So here’s the deal: the woman who died was the mother, Maria. The young blond was her daughter, Miria. Their husband/father is Antonio, played by the smoldering Aldo Sambrell, last seen by me in the fairly execrable Spanish horror film Voodoo Black Exorcist. Also on hand is Antonio’s brother, Ignacio, wheelchair-bound and only able to move his eyes, Maria’s nurse/nun Sol, doctor dude Juan, and finally, creepy goon Isidoro. First we see Antonio shooting up what I think is heroin. Then the goon is lurking in the crypt. Then Ignacio’s wheelchair is parked right outside Sol’s room, where she’s taken off her nunnery robes, stood naked, put on her pajamas, lay in bed, sleeps, wakes, then decides that she’s feeling a little bit like rubbing herself. Then she goes to sleep, while Ignacio imagines her rubbing herself. This involves several shots of Ignacio giving Sol more INTENSE LOOKS. Meanwhile, we’re switching between all the characters—He’s shooting up! He’s lurking! She’s looking! He’s writhing!—that you start to lose track of who is in the same room and reacting to the other. Then Antonio finds Ignacio outside Sol’s door, but upbraids Sol for pleasuring herself in front of an innocent cripple! After she walks off he laughs hysterically to himself, presumably that he blamed her and she had to take it.
Meanwhile the goon is, um, writhing on the crypt floor. I think you have to admire contemporary homes that have crypts in the basement, although this one is pretty much a castle, as will become important later. The goon has some sort of dead chicken on the altar, which is supposed to do something. The whole thing is inexplicable. Anyway, Miria wakes upstairs and hears a voice telling her to go downstairs: “It is your mother who commands you.” We now enter this strange, long sequence where Miria walks, the goon starts eating the live chicken as he continues to writhe... walking, walking, writhing, writhing. Every time I was in the middle of one of these extended sequences I cursed myself for not timing exactly how long it was, but I would say that, mixed with other stuff, that goon was writhing for a good 10 minutes. Anyway, eventually Miria arrives, whereupon the goon feels a little abashed of his minor live-chicken-eating activities, and Miria goes over to where her mother’s corpse is, whose eyes look pretty open. She screams and passes out.
Dad Antonio finds her there and tells her that the mothers’ eyes were closed, and traumatically drags her over to look at the corpse to confirm it. Then Dr. Juan suggests that she spend some time at the “clinic”—in fact, they won’t take no for an answer, she will literally be dragged off there—where they “will wipe out every bad memory.” Then Juan is left with the corpse, apparently to embalm it, but here’s where a movie like this works in a lot of dirty sexual stuff without really having sexual stuff: Juan fills up a HUGE syringe with a milky-white fluid [maybe it’s Fresca?] and is going to inject it directly into Mom’s corpse’s hootenanny when she comes to life. She reminds him of the affair they used to have while he freaks out pretty bad, then makes him inject himself and he dies. Once the body is discovered, Antonio decides he doesn’t want to deal with whole lot of police rigmarole, they’ll just toss the body off the side of the castle and dump the car in the swamp. Corpses, police—God, who has the TIME?
SPOILERS > > >
Then, after Antonio has flirted rather aggressively with Sol, who is disgusted by him, he tells her that one day, she WILL be his. How come no one ever tells me that I WILL be theirs? It’s so disappointing. Anyway, later that night the goon is having another ritual in the crypt [let’s chip in and get this guy a book of Word Find or something]. Meanwhile, Miria is upstairs, feeling horny. She comes down, and mom tells her to kill the goon. But she barely gets a chance to before this dusty mummy gets up and does the job for her. Come on, let the girl have some fun. And wait a minute—wasn’t the mom a voluptuous corpse like the day before, and now she’s a bones-and-bandages mummy? They must have a draft somewhere.
Meanwhile, upstairs Sol is giving the nude, paralyzed Ignacio a little cleansing rub-down, and we do indeed see her rubbing right on his meager meat and potatoes. Then Antonio comes in and pretty much demands sex with Sol, right there with his brother watching, and she refuses him pretty badly. The next day Antonio comes in, saying he wants to take him out for a nice chat, wherein he tells him that Sol won’t be taking care of him… “in fact, no one will. In all probability, you will die.” I kind of liked this, just for how unusual and straightforwardly mean it was. Turns out Ignacio was popping Maria, Antonio’s wife, and we’re beginning to discern that Antonio is killing everyone who has screwing his wife, while at the same time his dead wife is killing people while possessing her daughter. I’m sure it all makes perfect sense. Anyway, Miria’s lurking about the tomb and rescues the brother. Dull!
Then, after huffing a few papers, Antonio decides to accuse Sol of being the real lover of his wife, takes her to the crypt and locks her there. It is SO convenient to have a real dungeon in the basement. Then Maria re-possesses Miria and sends her into Dad’s room, where she seduces him and offers him oral pleasure. We are seeing the mom, but we’re thinking “Wait—is it really the daughter there with him?” It is, as Dad’s vision clears just after his blowjob is finished. He freaks out, running from the room moaning “No, no, no, no, no, no, no…” while I’m like “Chill dad, it’s only oral,” but I think he has traditional ideas about his daughter’s purity and whatnot. Mom shows up again on the landing, and drives him off a railing to his death.
Miria then goes down to Sol, and the mom gives in to her creepy stalker-crush on Sol through her daughter, saying “you WILL be mine.” Apparently Sol has to deal with this a lot. Sol isn’t into it, however, and gets up to leave the dungeon, at which point you’re like; “Wait a minute, you means she could have gotten up and left at any time?” Not a very effective eternal torment. Sol ain’t having any of this clingy-lesbo-corpse stuff, until, oh whatever, suddenly she is. She decides, rather suddenly, to give herself to the mom in order to spare Miria. She gets naked and lays atop the corpse, as I’m sure you’ve found yourself doing a thousand times. You’ll note that mom is back in her fleshy incarnation, not the bony mummy she was earlier. Her corpse arms embrace Sol and squeeze the life out of her, apparently setting Miria free to live life as she wants. Her parents are dead, she’s now sexually experienced thanks to mom [and dad!], inherits all the money and the castle, and everyone she knew while growing up is dead. Pretty sweet deal!
< < < SPOILERS END
This was relatively amusing, I wasn’t bored—okay, I wasn’t THAT bored—and it passed the time. Other than that, there’s not a whole lot to recommend it. It strains for sleaziness and goes for it with an amusing gusto, but I don’t know, something about it didn’t spark to life for me. Maybe hearing the title and seeing the cover art made me expect something more than what was here [there is actually no Satan angle whatsoever], but this was… you know, it was what it was, which was mildly amusing, but hardly worth writing home about.
This is apparently a remake or bears strong similarities to another movie called Malabimba. One or both of them was rumored to be a hardcore sex film that had all the actual sex edited out. Hey, given the editing on display here, anything is possible. The trailer for this film is on the disc, the only thing notable about it being that we actually see some naked cock—in the preview! Those kinky Spaniards.
If you want a kinky softcore Spanish horror film, but there are kinkier and sleazier things out there.