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Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band

Misconceived

1978

Review: April 9, 2006

Director: Michael Schultz

Starring: Barry Gibb, Robin Gibb, Maurice Gibb, Peter Frampton

Necessary.

THE SETUP:

Bizarre visual album of interpretations of the Beatles songs.

DISCUSSION:

I personally never want to hear any Beatles song ever again—and I don’t just mean as a result of watching this movie. Okay sure, they’re brilliant songs, but at this point I think they need to be jettisoned into space and society needs to just move on. We have heard them enough, and I personally am not of the opinion that Beethoven’s 9th symphony and The White Album are pretty much the same thing, as some have expressed. So, one man’s opinion.

Nevertheless, even if I did like the Beatles [and I don’t dislike them, I just never want to hear them again], or even if I thought they were the geniuses many think they are, it is difficult to conceive of why I, or anyone, would want to watch Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Are Beatles fans really dying for a bunch of crappy covers by the likes of the Bee Gees and Peter Frampton? Are they desperate for a movie that attempts to string together all of these songs into some sort of story that can do nothing but insult their intelligence and sully their memory of these songs? It’s impossible to watch this without just shaking your head and thinking—why does this exist?

We begin in World War I. It would seem that there is this Sergeant Pepper who is sort of a pied piper figure who charms the savage beast and the enemy combatant alike with his crappy marching band music. The opening scene takes place in the French provincial village of “Fleur de Coup,” which lets you know what kind of movie you’re in for. So his magical horn which is shaped like a heart is passed on through time to Peter Frampton, who fronts the Bee Gees as the band of the title. They are first seen jamming on the title track in the middle of a town square, making music that causes the residents of the local nursing home to stand up and get down. They soon receive a telegram that tells them that some record company wants to sign them, and so they begin to prepare to go to L.A. and become stars.

Now, this thing is so scattered and bizarre that I think we can only approach it in tiny chunks:

• At first I thought the songs were too respectful of the Beatles versions, and you know, we have the Bee Gees, I would like to hear them do disco reinterpretations of the songs, but no.
• Peter Frampton is highly questionable as a charismatic band leader, as, to me at least, he is extremely low on the charm. Most of this is attributable to his beaming air of “look at me, aren’t I just so gosh-darn adorable?” mugging, which occurs under some serious split ends. Dude needs a hot oil treatment or some shit.
• Peter’s love interest is a woman named Strawberry Fields.
• So far we’ve been in this drippy small town called heartland, when suddenly Colonel Mustard [is this a Clue The Movie tie-in?] appears in this space-age Winnebago with these female robots and a giant viewscreen over which he receives messages from star command, in this case to thwart our young heroes.
• This is the kind of movie where if you see a sunrise, you know you are about to hear “Here Comes the Sun.” Similarly, when we later see a road, possibly winding, we are going to hear “The Long and Winding Road,” and when you see a newspaper, the next words you are about to hear are “I read the news today, oh boy…”
• The band leaves Heartland for L.A. in a hot air balloon which endures a mid-air collision with a jet, magically transporting our heroes onto the jet, where they look down upon L.A., depicted in a bold dystopian sci-fi vision wherein giant towers rise out of a blanket of smog. You know, you got some shitty Beatles covers, you throw in a little Blade Runner, shit...

• The sequence set to “I Want You” is a particular highlight, as it covers so much ground and is just so bizarre. Around this time I was thinking “You know, if I have to listen to shitty Beatles covers, I guess I’d rather do it while watching some tripped-out music video." But I think that was mostly a rationalization of the fact that I had more than an hour of this shit to go.
• Barry is shown snorting coke during a party sequence! Our still-viable pop stars could never be shown doing this today.
• The director, Michael Schultz, is the director of the blaxploitation classics Car Wash, Cooley High, Which Way Is Up?, as well as Carbon Copy, The Jerk Too, Krush Groove, Disorderlies, and Tarzan in Manhattan. Of late he has maintained a career directing television.
• The writer, Henry Edwards, wrote The Great Skycopter Rescue before this film, and has no credits afterward.
• This film is VERY much like The Apple in that they’re both shitty, but also because in both the evil is represented by a sleazy record exec who, villain that he is, wants the band to sign a contract [the artist must be free!]. It is also strikingly similar in that at the moment wherein he is about to sign the contract, the more pure-hearted of the group [in this case Frampton, who we know is pure because he is blond, and meanwhile Barry is off snorting coke] has a VISION OF HELL just before he signs. This whole thing is never followed up.
• The band goes on a show called ‘Big Disco’ and plays “Nowhere Man.” Dude, if I’m watching a show called ‘Big Disco,’ I want to hear some BIG FUCKIN’ DISCO, not some whiny bleating socially-aware slow-drip ballad.
• Meanwhile Strawberry Fields, who represents the good, virginal, down-home love that Peter Frampton needs, pines away for him back in her parent’s rural home [though she is clearly 28 years old]. Peter appears to have completely forgotten her and been completely seduced the hard rock words of parties, drugs and easy women, and besides, does he really want to be with an adult woman who sleeps with, draws comfort from, and strokes a stuffed animal as though it were alive? What, is she a Plushie? Peter’s obviously way better off away from this nutcase.
• Later, I had to take back my statement about them being too respectful of the original songs, as we hit a run of songs sung in vocoder.
• Check out the strange sight of this plastic surgeon’s chart that makes the human body appear to be cuts of meat. If you are not prepared to face the sizzling truths of such stinging social criticism, the producers recommend that you consult your therapist before or immediately after viewing this provocative film.

• In a variation of the age-old theme, Peter has a vision where he sees the innocent Strawberry dressed as a slut.
• There are various additional musical guests. Alice Cooper is present, apparently, though I still have no recollection of him. Earth, Wind, and Fire show up to sing “Got To Get You Into My Life.” Stargard, who SURELY you recall as the group who brought you the disco hit “Wear It Out,” as well as the theme song from Which Way Is Up? show up to sing some song, I forgot which. Billy Preston [who you will recall from ‘Billy Preston and Syreeta sing “With You I’m Born Again”] shows up as the ultimate magical black person who… oops, I have to tell you that after the ‘spoiler’ mark.
• In the final scene there are a ton of celebrity cameos in a large group that is apparently supposed to comprise some representation of the original album cover—although I suspect that there is a very good reason that Carol Channing was not on the original cover [or maybe she was, fuck if I know]. We also see a cavalcade of people you will almost remember, depending on your age, but including Bowser from Sha Na Na and Dame Edna. There is a complete list in the credits.

SPOILER > > >
Now, you might have thought that this picture was just some light piece of fluff, but that impression will be forever slapped out yo stupit head when Strawberry Fields TRAGICALLY DIES. I think she died while trying to save or redeem Peter Frampton, but I can’t even remember. It would have been funny if she died when he ran her over while he was drunk driving with a bunch of prostitutes or groupies, but alas, no. Anyway, so you’re thinking “Woah, I can’t believe they killed her off, though she was obviously nothing but a total drag on everyone involved and probably can’t suck dick for shit” when suddenly the aforementioned magical black man—poof!—brings her back to life. And then you’re like “Man, this blows… at least have the courage to stick with your convictions!”
<<< SPOILERS END

Overall, a very exhausting and pointless piece of work. The biggest impression it makes is the question of WHY would this shit be made? I think the most compelling explanation is that the Bee Gees needed some music/film combo thing after their success with Saturday Night Fever, but wanted themselves to be more at the forefront this time. And really, can someone please ADVISE the Bee Gees who are not Barry to DO SOMETHING about that fucking hair? Especially that one with the long slab of it hanging down the side of his face, what the hell is that? That is not excusable. Anyway, it seems that this was NOT created with even ONE person in the audience in mind, and I don’t think anyone wanted to or did in fact go to see it. And still, I advise you not to. You might think “Oh it’s going to be goofy fun” but it’s not… really, really not.

SHOULD YOU WATCH IT?

No. Perhaps this really should be swallowed up by the mists of time.